Thursday, February 21, 2019

Repressed Emotions

Hello blog world...

I seem to have tons of thoughts flowing through me at the moment and the best way I can get them out is to write! Hopefully you don't mind some light reading ;)

A few occasions throughout this blog you have seen me mention the fact that many autoimmune diseases as well as fungal infections such as Candida is triggered and manifested and can actually grow to an uncontrollable level because of the repressed emotions our body clings too. This will not be the last time I talk about this either!

Metaphysical or spiritual causes of candida may include relationship issues, fear of authority figures (mom and dad), doing too much for other people, frustration, anger, energies feeling scattered, confusion, feelings as if we are not worth it, feeling as if other people are more important than you and more. Even if we follow the "diet" to the T, if we don't do the hard, digging deeper, gritty, emotional work...we will continue to live with the autoimmune diseases, hormonal imbalances and candida imbalance in our body. We have to get to the root cause to solve the issues for good.

Some of us have deep rooted fears from childhood that we have pushed deep down and we continue to tell ourselves that "it's OK"...and we are "alright" without ever revisiting the situation and releasing those emotions. Putting up with the disease in your body is almost like a defense mechanism. Your body will attack itself with things like candida, MS, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, allergies, arthritis, and more. It's a pattern of feeling hopeless, helpless, powerless and it's a pattern we continue to repeat. These emotions get stuck in the body and diseases spiral out of control.
I'm not sure about you but I was a particularly sensitive child. I picked up on things like adults fighting around me, I tried to get into the middle to alleviate those arguments but I would then take on some of the aggression and nasty feelings stemming from those arguments.  I held onto the negative things adults would say to me, and I would let bullies walk all over me. I grew up in an unhealthy competitive environment that was a breeding ground for negatively attacking my physical body and how it looked and I developed an unhealthy relationship to food and self medicated with it and developed a nasty chronic binge eating disorder. Followed by restriction. This continued into adulthood and I guess I didn't recognize (or I didn't want to recognize) the nasty cycle I was in. It spread into all aspects of my life including my romantic relationships and friendships and also played a role in poor decision making throughout my late teens and early twenties.

The Candida symptoms  worsened into my late twenties.  From athletes foot, to water blisters that would burst and crack into painful red swells on my hands, dry brittle hair, recurring yeast infections, mild depression and a desire to want to hide away because all of the nasty symptoms coming out of every pore for the world to see. I was physically and emotionally in pain and it made for quite the unhealthy mix. 

Now I am working on all these things I mentioned above. I have gotten the binge eating undercontrol and no longer have the desire for it. I am hoping to tackle the candida and hidden baggage head on. I am still quite sensitive discovering that I am infact an empath...however I am learning healthy coping mechanisms to let that energy flow right through me rather than holding on to it or turning to food.

Blogging helps as well as keeping a journal about past and present feelings as well as meditation. I am determined to solve this at the root and hopefully you will come along for the ride!

Until Next time!

XO Jocelyn

Monday, February 18, 2019

Il Dolce Far Niente

Hello friends!
I have been taking a little time off from sharing my eats lately. I have felt a pull to share more writing, more thoughts, more life experience if you will. I feel like our emotional experience here on Earth is just as important as what we eat and what we do on a daily basis. Of course, it is all connected. 

Hope you are all doing well on this delightfully sunny day. You know if I'm on here then that means I've been thinking and thinking leads to me sharing with you (lucky ducks) so, if you would be so inclined to sit back and read a little of my thoughts!
I must preface this with the fact that I had entitled this blog post "balance" because it is...all about balance and imbalance - however I changed the title to reflect what my personal balance is all about and how I arrived there.


I believe that so many by products of our modern world has lead to so much toxicity and disease in our body like all of the new fad diets, modern medicine(ignoring herbs our ancestors used), lack of sleep, work stress and the fact that society likes to worship busyness. All of these things together create an unhealthy imbalance in our life.

Think of our life like a spider web - each web leads to different aspects of our life and things we devote our time too; family time, friendships, work obligations, groceries, meal prep and cooking, house maintenance, get togethers, physical activity, SLEEP (so important), taking care of our furry friends, hobbies and more. If we overload this web with too much of something or too much of it all - it creates an imbalance thus breaking the web (our body) and it all comes crashing down leading to disease, physical and emotional ailments, lack of money and resources, stress, anxiety and more. We become burnt out, fragile, distant and sick of it all.

For me I had to learn the hard way about balance and imbalance and from a young age too. Although I'm thankful I went through it all and it has taken quite some time to figure out what a good balance is for me and my body/lifestyle and how to unravel from being stuck in an imbalanced body and life. I will say this, it's trial and error and it's different for everybody. Sometimes we think we can do it all, handle it all, want it all but we quickly realize that, that could not be further from the truth.
When I was younger I thought I wanted to be a professional dancer. I spent at least 3-4 mornings per week in high school at the studio before classes. I spent every free evening as well as most of the day Saturday at the studio. Sometimes I even spent Sundays there if it was competition season. Don't get me wrong though, I LOVED dancing, I loved being on the stage, I loved the makeup, sparkly costumes and spending time with my dance friends and I created some amazing memories however the older I got and the more I thought about the fact that I didn't even realize what I was missing out on, the more I grew distant of it all.

I started to resent dance. And I hated feeling that way. Not to mention I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition very young and became easily burnt out. I wanted to know that I could be good at more than just dance. I wanted to try new things. Most of all I just wanted to be STILL for a second. I wanted to eat my meals at a table - not in the car on my way to dance. I wanted to hang out after school with friends, I wanted to catch my favorite TV shows, I wanted to spend some time outside. I wanted to go to bed early and not be sore all over from 6 hours of dance class the next morning. I was a high school student who wanted to "play" outside. I missed most of my youth with hours logged in the studio.  I wanted to enjoy my favorite foods without guilt of gaining weight or fear of not fitting into certain costumes. I wanted to NOT be an emotional mess all of the time. I wanted to experience the simple things that every young person should. I just wanted to be happy and carefree. I wanted to be healthy. Reality was, I was a burnt out teenager and it all manifested through autoimmune issues. I could likely add adrenal fatigue to that list as my cortisol levels were all over the place due to high stress and yo yo dieting. 

Maybe I went about it the wrong way as I was young and hormonal and kind of mixed up if I'm honest. I could NOT function the way I had been living anymore and I remember the moment I quit  - it was a shock to my parents and dance family - and quite understandable that it upset the people who meant the most to me but I remember in that moment despite all the hurt I had caused others I felt like a free bird. And I decided at the young age of 16 to never get so busy again. To never say yes to things that I no longer wanted to do or participate in.

I started participating more at school - in field hockey and soccer, spent some time volunteering, experienced my first romance ok..maybe I had one or two romances lol hey it was high school after all, ate way too much junk food (ok, maybe went overboard with it) after starving myself for so long. I put my all into my grades and got into University. I traveled with friends and went to concerts. I experienced a bit of life. I actually did go back to dance but to a more relaxed environment. I danced twice per week in my favorite genre of dance, tap, and I even competed with that studio. It wasn't stressful though, it was just fun. I was doing it for myself. And it was all on my terms. I didn't feel busy and I wasn't doing things for the sake of doing them. I said yes on purpose to the things that made me feel good and felt comfortable enough to say no when it started feeling like too much or if it stopped being fun. Most importantly, I had down time to breathe.

And maybe people don't really get my philosophy on this topic but then again they didn't live my life and they have not walked in my footsteps. I think some might see it as lazy...but I don't feel that way at all.  I am pretty steadfast in allowing nothing to create that imbalance that I felt back then into my life. I can feel my anxiety and stress creep up when things get too busy and too hectic in my life. And I will shut it down quite quickly. I know sometimes we go through  hectic periods in life but overall I feel like we can control our environment and what we agree to participate in somewhat.

Society has us glorifying busy - so much so that we don't even know why we are busy. We aren't even being productive! And make no mistake busyness is not productivity. People act like it's it's a "thing" to keep busy. People please!!! STOP glorifying busy. And why do we do it? To mask the real issues we might be facing in our lives? Perhaps...there is always a root cause to our madness. Are we afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Afraid to disconnect? Afraid to be kicked out of our social circles? Afraid to be the black sheep? Afraid to realize how toxic our busy bodies have become?  You tell me....

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A few years ago when the book and movie eat,pray, love was released I resonated with it so deeply and took the catch phrase from that movie which I found perfectly summed up my philosophy on life...
"Il Dolce Far Niente" Italian for...the sweetness of doing nothing.

Now, Im not saying you need to take a trip to Italy, India and Bali to find yourself and realize what sort of balance you must create in your life to really appreciate it or to figure out whats important to you. But have you ever just took a moment to sit and really think about it? Are all of the things you try to cram into your day or feel necessary to say "yes" too really necessary? Do they improve your well being? Do they help you sleep at night? I'm going to guess - NO. Mostly not. When you feel busy is it stroking your ego? Probably, yes.

I had to get to the point of breakdown, physical and mental exhaustion to realize what a mess "busy" had created in my young life. My break down looked like thyroid disorder, adrenal fatigue and candida issues. This is what manifested in my body. 
I have written about this a bit before and sorry to be a broken record but I truly believe that living your best life is an art form. It's going back to the basics, the way our grandparents lived. Sitting out on the porch watching your kids play...or in my case my fur baby. Feeding the birds. Admiring the flowers that have popped up over night. Being able to say no to unnecessary obligations and events without explanation. Cooking a meal for yourself using the best ingredients and sitting at a table to slowly eat it, alone with your thoughts. Reading the newspaper, walking to the library, checking out some books and getting lost in another world. It's being able to unwind from the hectic life that we have created for ourselves. It's about carving out downtime and making the most of it. Our body, mind and spirit deserve and demand it.

Do you glorify busy? Do you feel pushed into being busy? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
XO Jocelyn

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Signs From Heaven

Happy weekend everyone!

I wrote this awhile back and just transferring it over to this new blog now :) Hope you all enjoy!

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about the signs we get from Heaven, crossed over loved ones or the Universe in general. I touched on it a bit in my wedding post - because even though I feel like I have been receiving signs for awhile now - the signs increased in the weeks leading up to my wedding - validating that I was on the right path and that greater experiences were on the horizon for me in my life. Sometimes we can get validating signs, sometimes we can get warning signs, signs of comfort, hope and peace. Whatever it is to you make sure to keep your eyes and most of all heart open to receiving these signs! These signs we receive can lead us to powerful healing that might be necessary in our life at the time.

Here are some of the main and common signs that I see and the meanings behind them:



This is a pretty powerful sign and it could have varying reasons and meanings for popping up during certain important times in your life. Some people believe that if you continually see this number it means that angels are near by. Angels come with love and protection and want to provide us with clarity and and guidance. When you see 11:11 pay attention to your thoughts at that time. The angels are letting us know that we have to start thinking positive and manifest the positive rather than think low thoughts or think about things we don`t want to happen. According to Dolores Cannon's "Between Death and Light," thoughts are energy.  Your soul manipulates energy.  Thinking is manipulation of energy.  As such, a thought is a willful act and it is powerful enough for creation. Seeing 11:11 means that opportunity is opening up for you and manifesting at the speed of light. Your thoughts are becoming reality! If you are happy with the thoughts you are putting out to the universe then you can rest assured that they will soon manifest. If not, it`s time to correct them into more positive thoughts.

Another understanding on seeing 11:11 constantly means that you are being sent the message that you are the creator of your life and reality and as such you must take responsibility for it. Your current situation is the result of past thoughts and actions. And the universe does not judge your decisions. But you should take responsibility and create your life choices consciously. Whatever you think to be true will come true.

11:11 can also mean that you are experiencing a deep spiritual awakening. Whenever you constantly see 11:11 or 1:11 number patterns you are called to awaken. A direct channel opens between you and your higher self. 11:11 is a point of merging the physical and non-physical realities of YOU.  When this happens, it’s time to stop from any mundane activity you’re doing and look at the bigger picture of life.

Finally - and my most cherished and favorite meaning of 11:11 - whenever you see 11:11 you should set an intention or make a wish!

Seeing 11:11 should be your  wakeup call. Follow your passion and you will find your purpose.



Occasionally when I`m out for a walk or out doing some mundane activity or errand I will glance down quick and notice a random feather on my path. I make sure to note the color of feather (because they hold meaning) and what is going on in my life at that point which might have some significance.

 Yes I do get excited and point and obnoxiously state.."LOOK A FEATHER". My husband thinks I`m loony toons (and maybe I am) but it makes me happy! Finding feathers can hold different meanings to different people. It could mean that we need to start practicing gratitude and count our blessings. It could also mean that you need to lighten up a little, take a moment to breathe and feel the heaviness lift off of our shoulders. It could mean we need some time connecting to our higher power - whatever that might mean for the individual. Finally they remind us that we are loved. Feathers often show up when there is someone or something that wants to reach out to us. Sometimes this might be a loved one who has passed into non-physical. A feather is a reminder you are loved by infinite people (both here on earth and otherwise).

Here are some meanings for various feather colors:

White: Spirituality, faith, protection, hope, purification
Red: Good fortune, passion, emotions, courage, money, security
Blue: Peace, inspiration, spirit connection, psychic awareness
Yellow: Mental alertness, vision, joy, cheerfulness, intelligence
Green: Health, healing, nature, money, prosperity, success, nature, planet, animal, spirit
Black: Protection, warning, repelling or warning of negative energy, mystical wisdom, you are undergoing a spiritual initiation, growth or increased wisdom
Orange: Energy, change, optimism, success, new ideas, creativity, physical love
Pink: unconditional love, romance, caring, compassion, harmony, faithfulness, honor, inspiration
Grey: Peace and neutrality - the middle road
Purple: universal consciousness, spiritual connection, heightened spiritual growth
Brown: Stability, grounding, endurance, home, friendship ,respect


48198391 - profile of a whitetail deer buck in rut, showing a lip curl

In the weeks leading up to the wedding we had a few random deer sightings...which really is not all that out of the ordinary where we live out in the middle of nowhere - however the way it happened was no coincidence. I remember driving home after a visit with Brents parents and I said to Brent - "be careful for deer jumping out in front of the truck". No less than a few minutes later a beautiful doe jumped out in front of our truck - we hit the brakes just in time and she just stood there for what seemed like an eternity and stared at us....then ran off into the distance. We both had goosebumps. Deer or the doe also seem to come up for me in most psychic readings as a spirit or totem animal. So what is the significance of this....When you have the doe as your spirit animal it usually means you are highly sensitive, intuitive individual as well as feminine to your core. You are able to handle challenges with grace and overcome whatever comes your way. You are both gentle yet determined in your approach to difficult situations and problems. More meanings could include:
  • Gentleness
  • Ability to move through life and obstacles with grace
  • Being in touch with inner child, innocence
  • Being sensitive and intuitive
  • Vigilance, ability to change directions quickly
  • Magical ability to regenerate, being in touch with life’s mysteries
This really resonates with me as well because my life seems to be in a re-direction as of late and instead of going against that I am learning to roll with it and allow flexibility to come through and just take what comes my way.

Crows and Ravens


The crow or Raven is something else that repeatedly popped up in my daily life leading up to the wedding and even afterwards...I would see them on walks constantly and they also came up as another totem animal for me along with the doe. When the Raven comes into your life it might mean that magic is at play. Great changes can happen at this time. And your dreams will become reality. The raven will teach you how to observe your deep dark inner conflict and open the doors to begin powerful healing in your life.
The Raven is a member of the same family as the crow and the magpie, known as the Corvids family. While they are considered different species, the only real difference is that the Raven is considerably larger than the crow. Since the Raven and the crow are so similar, it is encouraged to also read about the crow as a possible spirit animal. Although they are quite similar, there are meanings that are unique to the Raven.
The Raven - also sometimes known as The Keeper of Secrets is much like any other bird being a messenger between the Heavens and Earth. The Raven asks us to dig deep and look inside of ourselves to create much needed change in our life. Often times the messages they bring and the change that we must go through will be difficult but the experience will lead to amazing growth within ourselves.

Here are a few common meanings for this power animal.
  • Introspection
  • courage
  • self-knowledge
  • magic
  • healing
  • creation
  • rebirth and renewal
  • rebirth without fear
  • being able to tear down and rebuild
  • master magician
  • shape shifter
  • mysticism
  • transformation of difficulties into blessings
  • being able to find light within the darkness
  • Courage for self-reflection
  • Being comfortable with yourself
  • Connecting with the crone
  • Omens
  • Playful aspects
  • Stir life without fear
  • Sexuality
  • Honoring ancestors
  • Divination
  • Change in consciousness
  • New occurrences
  • Eloquence
  • Power of thought
43994452 - crow, corvus corone, perched on a branch, close up

Similar to the Raven the crow is associated with the mysteries and magic of life. They provide insight and support our intentions. So think about what you may be going through at the time that you see the crow and think about the intentions that you have set. Sign of luck, it is also associated with the archetype of the trickster; be aware of deceiving appearances.  If the crow has chosen you as your spirit or totem animal, it supports you in developing the power of sight, transformation, and connection with life’s magic. 
Throughout history, the crow has been associated with both positive and negative symbolic meanings. The most common are:
  • Life magic; mystery of creation
  • Destiny, personal transformation, alchemy
  • Intelligence
  • Higher perspective
  • Being fearless, audacious
  • Flexibility, adaptability
  • Trickster, manipulative, mischievous
Other traditional meanings associate the crow with bad omen, death, and dark witchcraft. The crow also carries the power of prophetic insight and symbolizes the void or core of creation.

So...these are some of the signs I continue to receive and I`m open to receiving them. What are some of the signs that you get in your day to day life?....drop a comment below!

Xo Jocelyn
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Friday, February 15, 2019

Valentines Day Dessert - It's About Balance

Hello everyone!

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentines Day. Just popped in to share the cute dessert I made for Brent! We enjoyed amazing Chinese food from a local place in town followed by mini chocolate covered strawberry cheesecakes.

Today I woke up and enjoyed my celery juice. It's all about balance ;) 

I have been hibernating a little bit as Lola demands most of my attention lately - once she is all healed up (from her spay) nicely I will be back to sharing my eats and exercise regularly again! I totally support hibernating FYI ;) Great if you need a bit of a mental break. 

Image may contain: one or more people and dog

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Spirituality and My Journey

Hello everyone!

It's a Winter Wonderland out there today. Hope you are all staying safe and warm.

I have decided to take a few days off of sharing foodie posts and share a little more thoughts and writing :) For today I want to share an article I wrote and is now in the February/March issue of Infinity Health magazine. You can find my particular article, "Rising Above The Chaos into Consciousness"; about my journey with disordered eating and dealing with candida and autoimmune here.  This goes a little deeper into my spiritual journey and thoughts when dealing with something like binge eating and candida.

Let me know your thoughts!

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Lola Gets Spayed

Good evening everyone

Well today was the big S day for Lola!

We headed out early this morning as she had to be at the clinic for 8 am.

When I went to leave the clinic she was sitting there helpless and whining as I walked through the door. Tears streaming down my face. I stopped for coffee afterwards and the lady asked me if I was OK. People who say dogs don't have feelings or don't know what's going on are very wrong! She clearly knew what was going on. 

Anyways I bought myself a yummy breakfast to cheer up (and to get warm!) It was brutal out there today. I went to my fave local cafe for their homemade sausage and egg sammie (that sausage patty was amazing and from a local butchers) as well as fresh ground vanilla coffee (also local) with cream and cinnamon. Yum. Today was a much better day for aside from the weekend slump I had. Energy was high, I felt positive and good to go! 

My goal for today was to get the mass quantity of laundry done all the way from washing it to drying it, folding AND put away and I did just that! Took me almost until 3 pm. I also cleaned both floors upstairs and downstairs. Amazing what you can get done without a crazy chocolate lab running all a muck!

Lunch was simple - packet of oats that had been hanging out for too long in the pantry topped with almond milk, almond butter and coconut.

Drank the rest of my herbal yarrow and nettle tea...

We picked up Lola around 4:30. Got the low down for the next 2 weeks. No running, no jumping, minimal walking for 14 days. How is this going to be possible with a crazy chocolate!? And our vet doesn't believe in prescribing sedatives in these situations, so once she comes off the sedatives from her surgery...that's it! She is still in la la land currently...poor baby. Very whiney and zoned out.

Brent was on dinner duty tonight. Garlic sausage with perogies, bacon, onions, sour cream and homemade chili sauce which we canned last year. I am thankful for a husband that doesn't mind doing things like this from time to time <3 

I got a quick 20 minute walk in earlier - anything longer would just be crazy as it's an ice storm out there at the moment!

Hope everyone has a great day - send positive vibes for a easy recovery for Lola :)

Monday, February 11, 2019

Mental Health Days

Hello everyone! I'm back after a few "down" days..not to say I was feeling down...I just took some days to myself where I didn't feel like being in front of the screen :P I had a cyst act up over the weekend and it definitely takes a toll on my physical and mental health. My husband was amazing though and helped out immensely. I didn't do any cleaning, took lots of hot baths, diffused oils, drani some homemade herb teas and just maintained myself!  Sometimes (actually pretty much ALL THE TIME) you should be putting your mental health first. Do whatever you gotta do to stay well!

Now lets get to the details!

Sunday February 11th, 2019

Sunday marked our one year anniversary with Lola :) What a little peanut she was!

I shared this via instagram..

I missed posting this yesterday but yesterday marked one year of having Lola in our home! ❤️🐾Not many people seem to care about first time puppy owner life 😂🤦‍♀️🙈 But let me tell you. A new puppy isn't all fun and games. Things didn't really calm down until the 5th or 6th month with her. So what I'm trying to say is...check in on your new furr mom friends! We love you Lola ❤️❤️❤️ the weirdest, most wild yet wonderful dark chocolate lab around 🐾🐾

We woke up on this very special one year anniversary to Lola's Valentines Day bandanna chewed to pieces. I guess she doesn't like Valentines day very much ;) This is what we get for sleeping in two hours past our regular week day wake up call ;) 

Brent made us breakfast as I wasn't feeling the greatest...two eggs, Scottish square sausage and some unnecessary ketchup (I had broken that addiction but every now and then it sneaks back in)

Lunch was an assorted wrap with some pasta salad.

Mid afternoon we went for a drive to check out Fiddleheads a health/herbs chain throughout Ontario. I picked up some herbs to make tea - Nettle and yarrow as well as some cinnamon tea bags and holy basil (good for adrenals and thyroid)

I actually wasn't feeling well at all Sunday evening and didn't have dinner. I took a hot bath and went to bed quite early. Exercise also has not been on my radar this weekend. I do not feel guilty about it either! 

I started off today (Monday) with celery juice.

Breakfast was a smoothie consisting of a 3 berry frozen mix from Costco, unsweetened almond milk, a little water and a blob of almond butter.

Lunch was Baxters chicken and veggie soup with toast.

Enjoyed a Christmas present I received finally...they smell so good! Do you diffuse oils? 

I have been diffusing "Cheer Up buttercup" A blend of bergamot, lime, orange and more...

Drank my tea throughout the day which I made using the two herbs that I mentioned. I am missing one herb (Marigold) that I am on the hunt for to add to this tea blend.

Dinner tonight was HEAVY. I am sure I will be paying for it tomorrow. I had left out of the freezer some of my vegetarian chili that I made a few weeks ago. We baked up some french fries and topped the fries with the chili and some cheese too.

Now I am off to watch this past weekends episode of OAK ISLAND with the hubby! It's one of our faves :D Hope you all had a great weekend and a great Monday too! 

p.s - Please send all the good healing vibes as my baby goes in for her SPAY tomorrow! We are not sure how we are gonna keep this crazy Chocolate Lab calm for two weeks :O 

Repressed Emotions

Hello blog world... I seem to have tons of thoughts flowing through me at the moment and the best way I can get them out is to write! Hope...

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