Friday, March 15, 2019

I HAVE MOVED!!! You can now find me over at  :)

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

6 Days in and Feeling Great

Hello everyone!

Well today marks the 6th day of my NEW BEGINNINGS....yes i dove in again and determined to be successful. I have decided to follow (loosely) a candida diet (although I hate that word) so lets go with lifestyle instead. I will be doing this for 90 days starting with a 10 day cleanse of sorts. The first 10 days is filled with a ton of raw and cooked veggies, eggs, water, herbal teas, and some liver support such as milk thistle and dandelion. Each stage is different. I will be taking an assortment of natural anti fungals and strong probiotics along the way.  I will be re-introducing some meats (but mostly just fish) and basically try my best to stay away from gluten, dairy, sugar and anything deemed inflammatory (which will also help my thyroid and adrenals). So far I haven't felt restricted at all which is pretty important with my past history of binging and restricting food.

After the 90 days are up I will see how I feel and hopefully be addicted to this new way of life! I also will be meeting with a natural doctor for some tests including hormone panel, thyroid panel and stool testing to see if levels of candida overgrowth have come down. Such fun eh!?

 The first few days headaches came and went, slight fatigue and body aches which is to be expected. I was also pretty grumpy and irritated for a day or two but that passed. It's like I'm going through an emotional detox as well by letting all of these foods go that really serve no healthy purpose for my body, mind and spirit. I have been keeping things pretty simple!

Check it out :) 

March 1


Detox drink (before most meals) - Water, lemon juice, ACV and Cayenne pepper (disgusting!) But this keeps you regular. So it's very important.

March 2


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"Detox" Drink

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Selection of teas i have been enjoying every day

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March 3


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Lotsa water!! With lemon and ACV

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March 4


Drinking the detox water before most meals

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March 5th - half way through initial cleanse! Along way to go until day 90 though!!


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Image may contain: food you can see, a lot of peppers, zucchini, cucumber, spinach, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, sprouts, eggs and I mostly cooked with coconut oil or butter. I also used lots of spices, herbs, pink salt and pepper. Salad dressing is always made with fresh squeezed lemon juice, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, oregano, basil, dill, pink salt and pepper. I find the simpler I keep things...the easier it is to stick too! With every passing day it gets easier and it may sound odd but I'm feeling happier. Feeling like weight is being lifted off of my shoulders. And obviously I will be losing physical weight too! More on that to come soon :)

 I knew this was the next step for me after i got my binging under control and it took me two years to get here believe it or not. I wasn't binging but some days I was in survival mode - eating "whatever" was around or convenient. It's crazy how addicting things like processed food and sugar can be to someone like me and I couldn't give it up for the longest time. But I'm here now and I won't be giving up without a fight!

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You can follow my journey here, via facebook, and instagram as well.

Until next time!

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

8 Steps to Intuitive Healing

First off - let's get one thing straight.

Intuitively healing your body and life is a roller coaster. And nothing is ever one size fits all. You have to do what feels right for you.

I've had so many issues that I've had to face and deal with starting with my chronic binge eating and disordered eating in general. Once that was tackled it was time to move on and face everything else. Face the music! 

These past few months have definitely been different for me. Instead of forcing what isn't working or what cannot be I have been intuitively following what feels right for me and my health and life in general. "Going with the flow" so to speak...trusting the universe has my back and will provide and closely paying attention to its clues/cues. I have been putting spoken word out into the universe each morning and following the path of faith for my life and those around me.  I wanted to introduce you to a list of what I have followed (looking back) these are the things that seem to be working for me and what I have had to go through to get to where I am today. It's OK to flip flip or change up what works for you. If something is no longer working - let it go!

Here's what works for me:

  1. Following that Gut Feeling
I guess you could call it a spiritual awakening of sorts which happened leading up to my wedding. I knew there was more out there for my life. I felt that I was here for a bigger purpose and that I was meant to help people in some way. Of that I was sure. I felt that by dealing with my own health issues - I could shed some light on these sort of issues that others might be going through too. I knew I had to dive into my health issues and start to heal from the inside out and that some how this would in a big way contribute to my future. I started by visiting with a nutritionist who put me on the right path as far as diet and supplements go. I found out what was invading my body and causing most of the trouble. I got some medium readings in order to decipher what I was thinking and feeling and seeing. I learned about emotions and how they can get stuck in the body and how important it is to let them flow rather than allowing them to invade our body and thoughts. I pay attention to reoccurring signs and symbols that may be taking place around me and keep note of them. We are all born quite intuitive - we just need to get over ourselves and pay attention to the world around us.

2. Acknowledgement 

To get to a place where you can intuitively heal yourself it takes a certain amount of acknowledgement of how we got here in the first place. Whether it be self inflicted or family trauma from the past, we must step into living in this very moment and realize that this moment is the key to healing. What can we do today to shed our past and relieve worries and anxieties about our future? We need to find what works for could be writing, journaling, yoga, meditation and very well could be a combination of things. What we do in this moment matters. We must be mindful, present and open to health and well being. We must do whatever we can to shield ourselves from the negativity of this crazy world. We must learn to not play the victim but to continually overcome, learn, and grow. I Jocelyn, acknowledge the role that my past has played in leading to my health spiraling out of control but I will no longer allow that to dictate my current and future health and growth. 

3. Studying, researching and analyzing 

We must spend some time studying, researching and analyzing our life and behavior, ailments in order to heal ourselves. Less food from boxes more food from the earth. High quality supplements to support whatever issues we are dealing with. Healing with herbs instead of shakes or pills. We need to get away from the screen and cut the cord to anything that no longer serves us. We need to turn off the news and spend some time outside. I personally took a break from my smart phone and laptop. I took a break from watching T.V and the morning news. I took a good look inside my life like a fly on the wall and realized how out of control my consumerism and spending habits had gotten. It made me feel "icky" and realizing that I needed to make a deep change in my life. I spent some time going through my closet and donating items that I no longer wear, cleaned out each room in the house and spent quality time with my husband. We set up a tighter monthly budget that will serve us more going forward together.

4. Emotions

Realize that emotions play a huge roll in our path to healing and health. Intuitive healing involves taking a look at our trapped emotions and learning how to safely release them in order to live in the now and no longer harboring them in our body and mind. Some of us easily take on the emotions of others and feel all mixed up after we have been in large crowds - similar to that of an introvert. We need to take time to be alone and to release those emotions that are not our own or what does not serve us and be able to have that time alone to recharge our batteries. What has helped me has been to write about things that may have negatively affected me and in a way it's releasing them from myself. You might release yours differently. It's about finding whatever works for you. Meditating each morning and evening also can be very amazing for the body, mind and spirit.

5. Doing

We must put in the work and listen to our intuition in order to figure out how we are going to heal. Once we have researched, gathered more information and acknowledged it is time to put in the work. You cannot accomplish much without "doing". Period. 

6. “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” - when possible.

This one is pretty self explanatory. Once I started realizing what was invading my body and mind I started seeing more and more patterns and familiar things popping up on my body and with my health. What works for me might not work for you. Personally my body responds well to a low sugar, low fat diet and I am working towards freeing myself of candida plus balancing my blood sugar and hormones. The better you eat the clearer your mind and body become - the easier it is to follow your intuition as it is all connected. If your body is all filled up with gunk it's easier to feel blocked from what the universe might be trying to tell you. Again, it's about eating the most natural foods, from the earth and staying away from packages or boxes. This was and still is one of the hardest things for me to change. I'm working on it slowly every day.

7. Rest

Rest is so important. It's important to not only get proper rest and adequate sleep over night but you must rest every day. Take a rest from negativity on the news, from negative people and situations that you no longer feel serve you. Grab the scissors and start cutting those cords. Being busy is not productive nor does it serve an important purpose in your life, healing or health.

8. Allow for Growth

Finally after following everything I have mentioned it will be hard not to feel the growth that you will continue to go through daily. You might lose or gain friends, you might figure out you are better suited in a new position or different career, you might realize what foods work best for you and what changes you need to make at home in order to have that growth that is important for all of us. Some people need to go through the rough stuff to allow for that new growth to happen. Some people need to have things fall away to experience growth.  It's so important to allow this growth to happen. We must not stifle it for growth is necessary and inevitable in this human experience. 

Monday, February 25, 2019

The Challenge of Lifestyle Changes

Hey guys.

I wanted to compile a list of my biggest challenges of starting or even simply staying on a Candida diet lifestyle plan for a great length of time. It doesn't even have to be a candida lifestyle. It could be any sort of healthy life style changes. But I can only speak from experience and for me it's embarking on a candida diet. My longest time on the candida diet was 30 days. I also took anti fungals for 15 of those days. I plan on embarking on another longer candida diet for 3 months as well as two more rounds of the anti fungals. I wanted to be able to revisit this when I`m  struggling and believe me I struggle a lot.  Perhaps some of these reasons will also resonate with you. I was thinking of all of the reasons why I find it so hard to stick to this and even START the plan- when in reality ...I MUST stick to it and I must start. It's not a deal breaker - it's my life and health. I need to shift my focus and look at it truly as a new way to live rather than a diet. Because the old binge eater in me goes into restrictive mode when I label anything DIET.'s my list! 

 Having to change up and or stick with plans while dealing with  Candida overgrowth and ongoing symptoms. 

Dealing with chronic candida as well as  autoimmune issues (thyroid) and personally for myself I have been dealing with this 15 years in the making. In all likelihood it should probably take around 10-15 years to completely rid and heal myself from candida. This isn't a 30 day venture.  If I am not making the steps to try and shift the food changes then I personally won't be making any long term changes within my body. It's not easy when you have so many difficult symptoms on and inside the body while you are eating clean and following the plan. It's so hard dealing with the die off literally coming out of every pore and making you SICK. Some of us have to get nasty sick before we get better and it`s hard going through that when you are taking the necessary steps to be on the plan. I personally think that for some reason I always let it get in my head, that feeling of deprivation and so do other people. Dealing with die off is crappy as well. I hate it. It sucks to be stuck in bed for a week or two and nobody really understands unless they have gone through it.  Well we Cannot think of it as deprivation. And we must be aware that things are going to get worse before they can get better. We must not think of it as a prison or stingy diet. We must think of it as we are removing some food out of our diet to be out of pain, to increase mobility, for our skin to clear up, and for our numbness to go away. Maybe then we will be more motivated to do it. We must think in small increments. Think 30 day increments. When I did the plan for 30 days I found it was easy for me to stick to. I wasn't thinking of any time after that. When I try and say I will do 3 to 6 months I fall off the wagon so fast because it overwhelms me thinking that far ahead. If we think in smaller days and smaller increments we will probably have an easier time sticking to the plan. And within the first 90 days we will see shifts and changes and then will be motivated to stick with it. Heck for me after 30 days I felt AMAZING and I could see the changes in my body.  But that leads to....

Not having any symptoms (feeling great) and trying to stick to the plan

Basically if you stick to the plan/lifestyle changes most of the time the symptoms are starting to go away - especially if you have been eating right, taking your supplements (anti fungals) and dealing with your emotional and spiritual well being. For many people including myself - after a certain amount of time we start feeling good. It`s a false sense of security that lulls us into the trap of THINKING we can go back to our old patterns of Wednesday night wine, takeaways and cheap junk food. We think we are cured because we feel fine and don`t really see the symptoms at that time - but don`t be fooled - they will pop up again, especially if you continue on the path of self destruction. Removing years of inflammation and binge eating is hard work. When you feel better and don't see any symptoms this is actually when your body is doing the deepest repair and that's when we need to stick with it the most. If you hop off the bandwagon and start with the old patterns you will be stopping the deep repair and moving backwards again. And this is the pattern I seem to find myself on. I need to solidify the changes. Its a lifestyle thing. And it`s really going to depend on the individual.

Managing social events
This is honestly my biggest gripe. We have so many family functions where good food is involved. Good home cooking which I love and which these people go out of their way to slave over a hot stove and prepare us a nice meal. But that meal KILLS my insides! I hate having to turn it down and I can always tell when people are secretly rolling their eyes at my next candida diet attempt. Or when people say `*oh...I have that on my hands and body too but i just don't let it get to me*  Sigh...... These people don't know all of our symptoms. They don't know I've been dealing with a 15 year long chronic yeast infection - deep cracks and splits on the bottom of my feet and blisters so bad on my hands that sometimes I can't even move them. Honestly, though?  The best thing we can do is do our BEST. If we are really in a bind - have a small portion of what they are serving and get back on the band wagon the next day- if you really can`t put together a nice plate without the sugars - have a little bite and move on. Don't beat yourself up about it. This lifestyle change is not about feeling stressed out. That will make the candida worse. That will make your symptoms worse. Food is our fuel and we don`t want to use it to pacify our emotions. Personally for me, what is hard is that the minute I have a bite of's like crack and I want more and more and more and more. It's a slippery slope, my friends. And some people will NEVER understand it so don't waste your time and energy trying to make them. Smile and move on.

Time commitment 
The extra time that goes into a candida diet lifestyle plan is extensive. You have to spend more time searching recipes and make lists of what you can and cannot eat. You have to spend time removing things from your diet, adding things back to your diet and see what you feel sensitive too or what triggers a reaction. I personally will go out of my way to make a different meal for my spouse (even though - bless his soul he says he will eat what I eat) You can`t just make a sandwich and eat that. That wont work. Thought has to go into it and prep time. But we are worth it. And there is no magic pill, no magic fix. It`s not going to happen that way and that fast. We must integrate the changes and steps slowly and before we know it we will be living this lifestyle. We must put ourselves FIRST on the LIST. It`s a hard pill to swallow because in this day and age we want instant gratification with everything we do. But when dealing with candida you must get to the root cause in order to fix it. And to do that we have to invest hard time and discipline.

 Financial commitment
Eating healthy is expensive for the average Joe - candida diet plan OR not. Add in anti fungals and supplements (coconut oil, essential oils, vitamins etc) and you are really up Schits creek. It's just the way society has made it so. Healthier foods cost more than a burger and shake. No way around it. I still try not to make excuses. I get supplements from places like Costco, or for cheaper than the norm or purchasing in bulk. Sometimes we can get cheaper veggies or meat from family or farmers market. It takes some good planning. But this will pay off in the long run as you won't have to take as many prescription drugs and you won't be getting sick as often! If you don't have your health - you don't have anything. 

Emotions and Stress
So, what most people don't know is that our emotional health plays a big big role in our healing ourselves from Candida or other health issues and how we got it all in the first place. Did you know that chronic stress can lead to excess candida in the body? One of your body’s first reactions to a stressful situation is to release cortisol, a hormone that depresses your immune system and raises your blood sugar level. The Candida yeast feeds on the extra sugar, while your weakened immune system is powerless to stop it. Stress gives it the chance to overpower the existing gut flora in your small intestine. Let me just say that my childhood was great...but it was also highly stressful. I was an emotional kid and by no choice of my own involved in high stress situations and much too stressful and emotional for my age range. I believe this to have played a large part in where I am today in my candida journey. When I start trying to tackle candida it's like my brain and body want to revisit these nasty moments in my history and confront them in order to heal the candida. And maybe it's that I'm simply not ready to remember, not ready to deal with the memories. It's been easier to eat my emotions and  let the candida run a muck. It's been easier to be comfortable and stuck in this middle place where I seem to be going nowhere with overcoming the candida - so it's not really possible to stay here any longer. You have to stop playing the victim and release everything from the past or present that is not going to serve you positively moving forward in your health and wellness.

Restrictive diet/lifestyle (or so it may seem for awhile) Triggers my past of Binge Eating....

Well this is pretty self explanatory if you have followed my blog for some time however...I have got a handle on my binge eating. Does that mean I eat super healthy 100 percent of the time...heck no. Not even 80 percent of the time. But I try. It's going to take commitment, focus, perseverance, strength, mental clarity, and support. Anything that feels remotely restrictive to me triggers something in me. Most likely from my past. This is something I work through every day. I am so thankful my husband always supports me no matter WHAT I want to do. He is very much on board with anything I want to try to improve myself (and himself!)

These are just some of my challenges that pop into my head as I sit down and write this. It's not easy trying to manage something like chronic candida. It's not easy to manage autoimmune issues, hormone issues, or anything that affects the body, mind and spirit. I hear you! It's even harder trying to overcome it. But honestly...getting started is half the battle and I would rather get started and try my best then live like this. The physical pain and emotional burden is too much. If you know someone dealing with any sort of physical/emotional ailments whether it be visible or invisble - be gentle with them. If you have anything to add - drop a comment below! 

XO Jocelyn

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Candida Overgrowth

Hello everyone!

I have mentioned in the past a little with my struggle with candida overgrowth and why it has taken me this long to tackle it. Mostly because I HAVE struggled with binge eating in the past and I hate to put any sort of dietary restrictions on myself. However...when dealing with something like candida overgrowth, these dietary restrictions are unfortunately necessary and just a part of the process. It has taken me awhile to come to terms with how I have to make changes in what I'm eating.

Sometimes it's been easier for me to ignore the health issues that Candida overgrowth have caused and just focus on being mentally well - feeding my body what it wants, moving a little, taking self care. However...the more I ignore the health issues - even though I am not treating my body badly, the more the health issues grow and affect me both mentally and physically. It's such a nasty cycle.

I have done a 30 day candida diet along with anti fungals in the past. I felt immensely better afterwards (although the die off kicked my bum) and it cleared up a fungal rash I've had on and off again on my hand for years just in time for my wedding. Unfortunately I didn't stay on the diet long enough - which ultimately is my main issue. The longer you can stay the course and stay on the healthy "diet" changes - the better environment you create in and out of your body for it to heal and cleanse itself of the overgrowth.

So anyways lets get to it.

What is Candida?

First of all, it's important to recognize that we all have candida in the body. When their is an imblance it causes problems. Candida is an opportunistic fungus (or form of yeast) that is the cause of Candida Related Complex and many less than stellar symptoms including fatigue, weight gain, joint pain, and gas.
The Candida albicans (or any other various form of candida - in my case tropicalis) yeast is a normal part of your gut flora, a group of microorganisms that live in your digestive tract.
Most people have some level of Candida in their intestines, and usually it coexists peacefully with the other bacteria and yeasts that live there. But a combination of factors can lead to the Candida  population getting out of control, establishing fast growing colonies and biofilms, and starting to dominate your gut. If left to run rampant through your body - it will break you down and cause a mess to be cleaned up.

Symptoms of a Candida Overgrowth

Chronic fatigue
Brain fog
Digestive issues
Reoccurring and painful yeast infections
Oral thrush
Sinus infections
Food allergies/intolerances
Fungal infections on the skin and nails
A weak immune system
Joint pain
Low mood


The above list of symptoms are just the obvious ones. A chronic gut imblance and/or candida problem can lead to wonky hormone levels, a sick liver, and so much more.

If you have a wide selection of seemingly-unrelated symptoms, Candida albicans might be to blame.
  • Acid reflux
  • Acne
  • Allergies
  • Asthma
  • Bleeding gums
  • Bloating
  • Body odor
  • Constipation
  • Cracked tongue
  • Cravings for sugary snacks
  • Crying spells
  • Diarrhea
  • Dizziness
  • Flatulence
  • Flu-like symptoms
  • Fungal skin rash
  • Halitosis
  • Inability to focus
  • Inability to lose weight
  • Indigestion
  • Insomnia
  • Irritability
  • Itchy anus
  • Itchy eyes
  • Low libido
  • Mucus in stool
  • Muscle aches and stiffness
  • Nausea
  • Panic attacks
  • Persistent extreme fatigue
  • Poor coordination
  • Poor memory
  • Psoriasis
  • Sensitivities to fragrances and chemicals
  • Sensitivity to light
  • Stomach cramps
  • Water retention

Candida overgrowth is also very hard to diagnose properly. I believe that most mainstream doctors these days just don't "buy into" candida overgrowth. They just give you more pills and antibiotics to treat the symptoms. THESE ANTIBIOTICS WILL JUST MAKE IT WORSE!! Just masking the root problem. I didn't realize I had candida for all these years. until I visited a nutritionist whom specialized in BIO Scan SRT. The Bioscan SRT is a fairly new procedure that combines the disciplines of Accupuncture, Biofeedback, and Homeopathy with Laser Light Technology.  A computerized scan or test is performed to see what your body is sensitive to and how it is out of balance, then it helps the body learn how to adapt, therefor alleviating symptoms. If you visit a natural doctor they would also be able to take stool, urine, hair or blood samples which can help diagnose candida, parasites and/or bacterial issues. 

More candida related posts to come including my plan for the next 3 months to tackle this pesky issue! 

Thursday, February 21, 2019

Repressed Emotions

Hello blog world...

I seem to have tons of thoughts flowing through me at the moment and the best way I can get them out is to write! Hopefully you don't mind some light reading ;)

A few occasions throughout this blog you have seen me mention the fact that many autoimmune diseases as well as fungal infections such as Candida is triggered and manifested and can actually grow to an uncontrollable level because of the repressed emotions our body clings too. This will not be the last time I talk about this either!

Metaphysical or spiritual causes of candida may include relationship issues, fear of authority figures (mom and dad), doing too much for other people, frustration, anger, energies feeling scattered, confusion, feelings as if we are not worth it, feeling as if other people are more important than you and more. Even if we follow the "diet" to the T, if we don't do the hard, digging deeper, gritty, emotional work...we will continue to live with the autoimmune diseases, hormonal imbalances and candida imbalance in our body. We have to get to the root cause to solve the issues for good.

Some of us have deep rooted fears from childhood that we have pushed deep down and we continue to tell ourselves that "it's OK"...and we are "alright" without ever revisiting the situation and releasing those emotions. Putting up with the disease in your body is almost like a defense mechanism. Your body will attack itself with things like candida, MS, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, allergies, arthritis, and more. It's a pattern of feeling hopeless, helpless, powerless and it's a pattern we continue to repeat. These emotions get stuck in the body and diseases spiral out of control.
I'm not sure about you but I was a particularly sensitive child. I picked up on things like adults fighting around me, I tried to get into the middle to alleviate those arguments but I would then take on some of the aggression and nasty feelings stemming from those arguments.  I held onto the negative things adults would say to me, and I would let bullies walk all over me. I grew up in an unhealthy competitive environment that was a breeding ground for negatively attacking my physical body and how it looked and I developed an unhealthy relationship to food and self medicated with it and developed a nasty chronic binge eating disorder. Followed by restriction. This continued into adulthood and I guess I didn't recognize (or I didn't want to recognize) the nasty cycle I was in. It spread into all aspects of my life including my romantic relationships and friendships and also played a role in poor decision making throughout my late teens and early twenties.

The Candida symptoms  worsened into my late twenties.  From athletes foot, to water blisters that would burst and crack into painful red swells on my hands, dry brittle hair, recurring yeast infections, mild depression and a desire to want to hide away because all of the nasty symptoms coming out of every pore for the world to see. I was physically and emotionally in pain and it made for quite the unhealthy mix. 

Now I am working on all these things I mentioned above. I have gotten the binge eating undercontrol and no longer have the desire for it. I am hoping to tackle the candida and hidden baggage head on. I am still quite sensitive discovering that I am infact an empath...however I am learning healthy coping mechanisms to let that energy flow right through me rather than holding on to it or turning to food.

Blogging helps as well as keeping a journal about past and present feelings as well as meditation. I am determined to solve this at the root and hopefully you will come along for the ride!

Until Next time!

XO Jocelyn

Monday, February 18, 2019

Il Dolce Far Niente

Hello friends!
I have been taking a little time off from sharing my eats lately. I have felt a pull to share more writing, more thoughts, more life experience if you will. I feel like our emotional experience here on Earth is just as important as what we eat and what we do on a daily basis. Of course, it is all connected. 

Hope you are all doing well on this delightfully sunny day. You know if I'm on here then that means I've been thinking and thinking leads to me sharing with you (lucky ducks) so, if you would be so inclined to sit back and read a little of my thoughts!
I must preface this with the fact that I had entitled this blog post "balance" because it is...all about balance and imbalance - however I changed the title to reflect what my personal balance is all about and how I arrived there.


I believe that so many by products of our modern world has lead to so much toxicity and disease in our body like all of the new fad diets, modern medicine(ignoring herbs our ancestors used), lack of sleep, work stress and the fact that society likes to worship busyness. All of these things together create an unhealthy imbalance in our life.

Think of our life like a spider web - each web leads to different aspects of our life and things we devote our time too; family time, friendships, work obligations, groceries, meal prep and cooking, house maintenance, get togethers, physical activity, SLEEP (so important), taking care of our furry friends, hobbies and more. If we overload this web with too much of something or too much of it all - it creates an imbalance thus breaking the web (our body) and it all comes crashing down leading to disease, physical and emotional ailments, lack of money and resources, stress, anxiety and more. We become burnt out, fragile, distant and sick of it all.

For me I had to learn the hard way about balance and imbalance and from a young age too. Although I'm thankful I went through it all and it has taken quite some time to figure out what a good balance is for me and my body/lifestyle and how to unravel from being stuck in an imbalanced body and life. I will say this, it's trial and error and it's different for everybody. Sometimes we think we can do it all, handle it all, want it all but we quickly realize that, that could not be further from the truth.
When I was younger I thought I wanted to be a professional dancer. I spent at least 3-4 mornings per week in high school at the studio before classes. I spent every free evening as well as most of the day Saturday at the studio. Sometimes I even spent Sundays there if it was competition season. Don't get me wrong though, I LOVED dancing, I loved being on the stage, I loved the makeup, sparkly costumes and spending time with my dance friends and I created some amazing memories however the older I got and the more I thought about the fact that I didn't even realize what I was missing out on, the more I grew distant of it all.

I started to resent dance. And I hated feeling that way. Not to mention I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition very young and became easily burnt out. I wanted to know that I could be good at more than just dance. I wanted to try new things. Most of all I just wanted to be STILL for a second. I wanted to eat my meals at a table - not in the car on my way to dance. I wanted to hang out after school with friends, I wanted to catch my favorite TV shows, I wanted to spend some time outside. I wanted to go to bed early and not be sore all over from 6 hours of dance class the next morning. I was a high school student who wanted to "play" outside. I missed most of my youth with hours logged in the studio.  I wanted to enjoy my favorite foods without guilt of gaining weight or fear of not fitting into certain costumes. I wanted to NOT be an emotional mess all of the time. I wanted to experience the simple things that every young person should. I just wanted to be happy and carefree. I wanted to be healthy. Reality was, I was a burnt out teenager and it all manifested through autoimmune issues. I could likely add adrenal fatigue to that list as my cortisol levels were all over the place due to high stress and yo yo dieting. 

Maybe I went about it the wrong way as I was young and hormonal and kind of mixed up if I'm honest. I could NOT function the way I had been living anymore and I remember the moment I quit  - it was a shock to my parents and dance family - and quite understandable that it upset the people who meant the most to me but I remember in that moment despite all the hurt I had caused others I felt like a free bird. And I decided at the young age of 16 to never get so busy again. To never say yes to things that I no longer wanted to do or participate in.

I started participating more at school - in field hockey and soccer, spent some time volunteering, experienced my first romance ok..maybe I had one or two romances lol hey it was high school after all, ate way too much junk food (ok, maybe went overboard with it) after starving myself for so long. I put my all into my grades and got into University. I traveled with friends and went to concerts. I experienced a bit of life. I actually did go back to dance but to a more relaxed environment. I danced twice per week in my favorite genre of dance, tap, and I even competed with that studio. It wasn't stressful though, it was just fun. I was doing it for myself. And it was all on my terms. I didn't feel busy and I wasn't doing things for the sake of doing them. I said yes on purpose to the things that made me feel good and felt comfortable enough to say no when it started feeling like too much or if it stopped being fun. Most importantly, I had down time to breathe.

And maybe people don't really get my philosophy on this topic but then again they didn't live my life and they have not walked in my footsteps. I think some might see it as lazy...but I don't feel that way at all.  I am pretty steadfast in allowing nothing to create that imbalance that I felt back then into my life. I can feel my anxiety and stress creep up when things get too busy and too hectic in my life. And I will shut it down quite quickly. I know sometimes we go through  hectic periods in life but overall I feel like we can control our environment and what we agree to participate in somewhat.

Society has us glorifying busy - so much so that we don't even know why we are busy. We aren't even being productive! And make no mistake busyness is not productivity. People act like it's it's a "thing" to keep busy. People please!!! STOP glorifying busy. And why do we do it? To mask the real issues we might be facing in our lives? Perhaps...there is always a root cause to our madness. Are we afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Afraid to disconnect? Afraid to be kicked out of our social circles? Afraid to be the black sheep? Afraid to realize how toxic our busy bodies have become?  You tell me....

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A few years ago when the book and movie eat,pray, love was released I resonated with it so deeply and took the catch phrase from that movie which I found perfectly summed up my philosophy on life...
"Il Dolce Far Niente" Italian for...the sweetness of doing nothing.

Now, Im not saying you need to take a trip to Italy, India and Bali to find yourself and realize what sort of balance you must create in your life to really appreciate it or to figure out whats important to you. But have you ever just took a moment to sit and really think about it? Are all of the things you try to cram into your day or feel necessary to say "yes" too really necessary? Do they improve your well being? Do they help you sleep at night? I'm going to guess - NO. Mostly not. When you feel busy is it stroking your ego? Probably, yes.

I had to get to the point of breakdown, physical and mental exhaustion to realize what a mess "busy" had created in my young life. My break down looked like thyroid disorder, adrenal fatigue and candida issues. This is what manifested in my body. 
I have written about this a bit before and sorry to be a broken record but I truly believe that living your best life is an art form. It's going back to the basics, the way our grandparents lived. Sitting out on the porch watching your kids play...or in my case my fur baby. Feeding the birds. Admiring the flowers that have popped up over night. Being able to say no to unnecessary obligations and events without explanation. Cooking a meal for yourself using the best ingredients and sitting at a table to slowly eat it, alone with your thoughts. Reading the newspaper, walking to the library, checking out some books and getting lost in another world. It's being able to unwind from the hectic life that we have created for ourselves. It's about carving out downtime and making the most of it. Our body, mind and spirit deserve and demand it.

Do you glorify busy? Do you feel pushed into being busy? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
XO Jocelyn

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