Il Dolce Far Niente

Hello friends!
I have been taking a little time off from sharing my eats lately. I have felt a pull to share more writing, more thoughts, more life experience if you will. I feel like our emotional experience here on Earth is just as important as what we eat and what we do on a daily basis. Of course, it is all connected. 

Hope you are all doing well on this delightfully sunny day. You know if I'm on here then that means I've been thinking and thinking leads to me sharing with you (lucky ducks) so, if you would be so inclined to sit back and read a little of my thoughts!
I must preface this with the fact that I had entitled this blog post "balance" because it is...all about balance and imbalance - however I changed the title to reflect what my personal balance is all about and how I arrived there.

I believe that so many by products of our modern world has lead to so much toxicity and disease in our body like all of the new fad diets, modern medicine(ignoring herbs our ancestors used), lack of sleep, work stress and the fact that society likes to worship busyness. All of these things together create an unhealthy imbalance in our life.

Think of our life like a spider web - each web leads to different aspects of our life and things we devote our time too; family time, friendships, work obligations, groceries, meal prep and cooking, house maintenance, get togethers, physical activity, SLEEP (so important), taking care of our furry friends, hobbies and more. If we overload this web with too much of something or too much of it all - it creates an imbalance thus breaking the web (our body) and it all comes crashing down leading to disease, physical and emotional ailments, lack of money and resources, stress, anxiety and more. We become burnt out, fragile, distant and sick of it all.

For me I had to learn the hard way about balance and imbalance and from a young age too. Although I'm thankful I went through it all and it has taken quite some time to figure out what a good balance is for me and my body/lifestyle and how to unravel from being stuck in an imbalanced body and life. I will say this, it's trial and error and it's different for everybody. Sometimes we think we can do it all, handle it all, want it all but we quickly realize that, that could not be further from the truth.
When I was younger I thought I wanted to be a professional dancer. I spent at least 3-4 mornings per week in high school at the studio before classes. I spent every free evening as well as most of the day Saturday at the studio. Sometimes I even spent Sundays there if it was competition season. Don't get me wrong though, I LOVED dancing, I loved being on the stage, I loved the makeup, sparkly costumes and spending time with my dance friends and I created some amazing memories however the older I got and the more I thought about the fact that I didn't even realize what I was missing out on, the more I grew distant of it all.

I started to resent dance. And I hated feeling that way. Not to mention I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition very young and became easily burnt out. I wanted to know that I could be good at more than just dance. I wanted to try new things. Most of all I just wanted to be STILL for a second. I wanted to eat my meals at a table - not in the car on my way to dance. I wanted to hang out after school with friends, I wanted to catch my favorite TV shows, I wanted to spend some time outside. I wanted to go to bed early and not be sore all over from 6 hours of dance class the next morning. I was a high school student who wanted to "play" outside. I missed most of my youth with hours logged in the studio.  I wanted to enjoy my favorite foods without guilt of gaining weight or fear of not fitting into certain costumes. I wanted to NOT be an emotional mess all of the time. I wanted to experience the simple things that every young person should. I just wanted to be happy and carefree. I wanted to be healthy. Reality was, I was a burnt out teenager and it all manifested through autoimmune issues. I could likely add adrenal fatigue to that list as my cortisol levels were all over the place due to high stress and yo yo dieting. 

Maybe I went about it the wrong way as I was young and hormonal and kind of mixed up if I'm honest. I could NOT function the way I had been living anymore and I remember the moment I quit  - it was a shock to my parents and dance family - and quite understandable that it upset the people who meant the most to me but I remember in that moment despite all the hurt I had caused others I felt like a free bird. And I decided at the young age of 16 to never get so busy again. To never say yes to things that I no longer wanted to do or participate in.

I started participating more at school - in field hockey and soccer, spent some time volunteering, experienced my first romance ok..maybe I had one or two romances lol hey it was high school after all, ate way too much junk food (ok, maybe went overboard with it) after starving myself for so long. I put my all into my grades and got into University. I traveled with friends and went to concerts. I experienced a bit of life. I actually did go back to dance but to a more relaxed environment. I danced twice per week in my favorite genre of dance, tap, and I even competed with that studio. It wasn't stressful though, it was just fun. I was doing it for myself. And it was all on my terms. I didn't feel busy and I wasn't doing things for the sake of doing them. I said yes on purpose to the things that made me feel good and felt comfortable enough to say no when it started feeling like too much or if it stopped being fun. Most importantly, I had down time to breathe.

And maybe people don't really get my philosophy on this topic but then again they didn't live my life and they have not walked in my footsteps. I think some might see it as lazy...but I don't feel that way at all.  I am pretty steadfast in allowing nothing to create that imbalance that I felt back then into my life. I can feel my anxiety and stress creep up when things get too busy and too hectic in my life. And I will shut it down quite quickly. I know sometimes we go through  hectic periods in life but overall I feel like we can control our environment and what we agree to participate in somewhat.

Society has us glorifying busy - so much so that we don't even know why we are busy. We aren't even being productive! And make no mistake busyness is not productivity. People act like it's cool...like it's a "thing" to keep busy. People please!!! STOP glorifying busy. And why do we do it? To mask the real issues we might be facing in our lives? Perhaps...there is always a root cause to our madness. Are we afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Afraid to disconnect? Afraid to be kicked out of our social circles? Afraid to be the black sheep? Afraid to realize how toxic our busy bodies have become?  You tell me....

A few years ago when the book and movie eat,pray, love was released I resonated with it so deeply and took the catch phrase from that movie which I found perfectly summed up my philosophy on life...

"Il Dolce Far Niente" Italian for...the sweetness of doing nothing.

Now, Im not saying you need to take a trip to Italy, India and Bali to find yourself and realize what sort of balance you must create in your life to really appreciate it or to figure out whats important to you. But have you ever just took a moment to sit and really think about it? Are all of the things you try to cram into your day or feel necessary to say "yes" too really necessary? Do they improve your well being? Do they help you sleep at night? I'm going to guess - NO. Mostly not. When you feel busy is it stroking your ego? Probably, yes.

I had to get to the point of breakdown, physical and mental exhaustion to realize what a mess "busy" had created in my young life. My break down looked like thyroid disorder, adrenal fatigue and candida issues. This is what manifested in my body. 
I have written about this a bit before and sorry to be a broken record but I truly believe that living your best life is an art form. It's going back to the basics, the way our grandparents lived. Sitting out on the porch watching your kids play...or in my case my fur baby. Feeding the birds. Admiring the flowers that have popped up over night. Being able to say no to unnecessary obligations and events without explanation. Cooking a meal for yourself using the best ingredients and sitting at a table to slowly eat it, alone with your thoughts. Reading the newspaper, walking to the library, checking out some books and getting lost in another world. It's being able to unwind from the hectic life that we have created for ourselves. It's about carving out downtime and making the most of it. Our body, mind and spirit deserve and demand it.

Do you glorify busy? Do you feel pushed into being busy? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
XO Jocelyn

Spirituality and My Journey

Hello everyone!

It's a Winter Wonderland out there today. Hope you are all staying safe and warm.

I have decided to take a few days off of sharing foodie posts and share a little more thoughts and writing :) For today I want to share an article I wrote and is now in the February/March issue of Infinity Health magazine. You can find my particular article, "Rising Above The Chaos into Consciousness"; about my journey with disordered eating and dealing with candida and autoimmune here.  This goes a little deeper into my spiritual journey and thoughts when dealing with something like binge eating and candida.

Let me know your thoughts!

What Overcoming Disordered Eating Has given to me - New Lease on Life

To preface this you can read my first letter to Binge Eating Disorder here

Exactly like in the title - learning how to cope with and recover from BED/disordered eating, the process has lead me to a new lease on life. A new fresh take on life, if you will.

You might be reading this like - say what? Jocelyn...nothing good can come from living many of the best years of your life with any sort of eating disorders. You have every right to be bitter, angry, moody, mad at yourself, mad at the world, flinging blame everywhere. Uh...no. I beg to differ. Coming out of that mess and realizing my worth, realizing how amazing life can be, realizing that I have another chance at living my best life - is worth every ounce of pain and confusion. Realizing that FOOD is not the enemy, my body is not attacking itself, I don't need to be in weight loss mode 100 percent of the time no matter how big or small I am, it's ok to take a break. It's OK to have pizza for lunch and a big salad for dinner. It's OK to have a cheese burger one night and homemade soup the next. It's ok to practise gentle exercise like walking outside or yoga and still be able to reach healthy weight loss goals. 

What over coming disordered eating has given/taught me

1. The ability to slow down - patience
2. The brains to question, research and study everything
3. Appreciating real, home cooked food
4. Appreciating the "experience" of meals
5. Ability to trust my guts - intuitively eating and healing
6. Expressing myself creatively
7. Spirituality
8. Realizing what I do and don't want to do ever again -patterns repeating themselves

Let me go through these one by one.

The ability to slow down - patience

For many years of my life I was on the yo-yo dieting train. I think my first diet was when I was 8 years old. Shocking and sad all at once but not really out of the norm these days. I bounced around (even until recently) trying all sorts of fad diets. I never learned how to be patient with myself. The weight didn't pile on over night and it definitely won't come off over night. I had to learn that the best thing for me and my system would just be eating and cooking clean, real, simple foods and partaking in gentle exercise like walking or yoga. I aim to mostly cook at home - we try our best for that unfortunately it doesn't always happen the way we would like it. But we are trying. I also try not to beat myself up for eating out or getting take out on occasion. I was a very busy "on the go child" Very heavily involved in the world of dance and competitive dance. Meals would be eaten on the go in the car to the next lesson and again I was always putting undue stress on my body from a young age to fit the typical dancer mold - to be thin and athletic. I was always the chunky child. I never really fit the mold and sadly  didn't have the best support to realize it was OK that I didn't fit that typical ballerina profile. Taking time to sit at the table and enjoy my food or go for a stroll and enjoy the sights and sounds of nature and to learn how to really stop and meditate...these are all things that have really helped me intuitively heal myself. 

Question everything, Research everything, study everything

I haven't gone into great lengths about this but I have lived for many years of my life unknowingly with a bad candida overgrowth. I also was diagnosed borderline hypothyroid when I was 9/10 years old. I don't suppose much was known back then about thyroid health and diet but typically if you have thyroid issues you should avoid gluten, dairy, and greasy carbs. I grew up eating ALL of those things in mass quantities.  I also didn't realize why I had all these freaky symptoms until i visited with a natural doctor and nutritionist. From the age of 17+ I would live with weird dry skin, cracks and rash all over my hands that even a dermatologist could not figure out what it was and would prescribe steroid creams that would make it worse, terrible UTI and yeast infections, thrush in the mouth, intense sugar cravings, brain fog, and just in general a feeling of pain all over the body. As a child growing up I was pumped full of antibiotics instead of being allowed to let my body fend off sickness and infections for myself. I had tons of antibiotics for constant ear infections and asthma. I was also put on birth control quite young to control PMS, hormonal acne and more as well as accutane for really bad cystic acne I had. All of these heavy medications clog up and damage a perfectly healthy functioning liver which then creates havoc in the body. Add on top of it a binge eater who can't get enough sugar...it was the perfect storm for bad candida infection. Since then I have really looked into the affects of these mainstream medications and I only ever take antibiotics now when ABSOLUTELY necessary (aka last year when I had strep throat for a month)  I urge you, if possible, really take a look at the medications you and your children take. Go the most natural route whenever possible. I have tons of natural herbal remedy books and subscribe to podcasts whenever possible to learn more.

Learning to appreciate and to cook food at home

This is pretty self explanatory. I fell into the trap of eating out, boxed, greasy, sugar laden foods a great deal of the time. Somewhere along the way I forgot what my grandmothers taught me - the importance of decent home cooked food. Food that you create at home with real, honest ingredients and that you know everything that is put in that dish. We still eat out from time to time - but nothing like I did before. Especially in my college and university years - I wasted so much money and time eating fast food just because I thought it was easier. AKA I was lazy and uninformed. I think so many health issues could be solved by people cooking and eating their meals at home. I do strive for this although we still do eat out from time to time ( hello McDonalds breakfast or Superbowl pizza) like I said..I am human, not perfect...

Check out this Ted Talk video below on this topic. I wasn't raised this way. But I am learning now as an adult.

Appreciating the Experience of meals

As mentioned above - for a great deal of my life I was always on the go. Always eating the next meal as I got to school, after school on the way to dance or after dance on the way home because it would be too late to eat once I got home. I'm not placing blame on anyone - it's no ones fault. Looking back it is what it is. Many families with active children in various programs do the same thing today and it will continue to be that way. When I was in university and college it became the norm to eat in my bedroom (even worse on the bed), at wacky hours due to studying, or just picking up fast food to go. It is quite typical in North America. It's not so typical across Europe. Did you know that in areas of France they are given a few hours off at lunch to cook and eat meals at home with family or friends? True, they eat lots of things like bread, meat and cheese but it's all quality, home grown and cooked and served fresh and in small amounts. They also enjoy it at the table, savouring it over a few hours while conversation is enjoyed. The company and ambiance (nice dishes, nice table wear, location) is just as important as the meal served. The meal isn't rushed or long forgotten afterwards. I think that's something that we North Americans typically miss the mark on. We are too busy, too much in a rush to make meal time important. I really enjoy sitting down in the evenings to enjoy dinner and conversation with my husband

Intuitively Eating and Healing 

I think one of the most important things to come out of this whole mess was the ability to see and feel the importance of intuitive eating. Not subscribing to one more fad, trend or diet. To really understand and feel what my body is needing or wanting and knowing the difference! To learn what hunger feels like. Sometimes my body wants dessert - that's OK - as long as I'm still filling it with what it needs. I might go through a period where I eat less carbs, less gluten , less sugar - it's OK - it's not a diet, just a choice for that specific time and day. Nothing needs to be so restrictive and strict. It makes food, cooking, meal time full of misery. I mentioned to a friend the other day that food had become so overwhelming to me and I really just lost my love of good food, cooking it, eating it and serving it as well. I've learned the importance of enjoying a good detox and what it can give to the body to get it functioning properly again (detoxing the liver especially) I've learned the importance of meditation, slowing down and really feeling into what my body is needing on any given time or day. This is so important and profound to me that I named my website after it ;) Our body loves us. Our body is amazing. Our body is not attacking itself (my doctor would tell me this at 9 years old) due to the hypo thyroid diagnosis. But this could not be further from the truth. I refuse to beat myself up over what my next meal is going to be. I am not perfect. I am human.

Expressing myself creatively - finding new hobbies

When you are working on intuitively healing your body and your life - it's a good idea to find hobbies and ways to express yourself as an outlet and fuel to keep yourself going through the process as it can be hard and uncomfortable. This can be anything from gym classes, gardening, joining local clubs etc. I personally found for me that writing everything down from stories and experiences of my past to even keeping the food journal online really helped me to continue on this path. Sharing with other people in hopes of finding some sort of common ground, sharing the pain and trauma but finding the rainbow together...finding others out there like me. That's what helps me. If sharing my stories can help one person then that is worth it to me. There is many things that I would like to learn and do and it's never too late.

Spirituality

I have shared a little bit about what I like to call my spiritual awakening. Although I have always had this "spiritual" side to me - I believe the start of my spiritual awakening really helped me figure out my purpose in life and ultimately helped me figure out how I would go about healing myself. I couldn't NOT heal myself. I could no longer remain stagnant. The people I have come into contact with along this journey and resources they have shared with me since "the awakening" have helped me to learn how important things like shadow work is and how important consciousness is to the healing process of body, mind and spirit. This process is about so much more than just losing weight. I will be touching more on this as time goes on. It's an integral part to my puzzle and I think could help many people out there along the way too.

Breaking The Patterns

I do talk a lot about my past this is true...but it helps when i put it down on paper or type it out. It helps me let it go. I realize how skewed my view of food had gotten and if I ever have kids I never want them to have that attitude towards food and life. Food is just food, there is no good food or bad food, kids shouldn't be dieting, we should enjoy meals at the table and learn to cook good simple food. If we follow simple concepts such as these...obesity wouldn't become such an issue as we try to become healthy, functioning adults. Learn to love your body TODAY. Learn to love getting outside for a walk and releasing yourself from what the end result might look like (# of pounds lost) Release yourself from counting points or calories. For many years I was stuck in a binge/starve/diet/over exercising cycle. And it didn't do my body good. It didn't do ANYTHING good for me. In fact, progress slowed down for me. The harder I worked the less things happened for me.
 It's time to slow down, my friends. Take it moment by moment and start enjoying your life now.

It took me over 15 years to get here...this is just what I have learned from much reflection. Do you have anything to add? Drop a line below :) 

5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath

Hey guys!

Check out an article I wrote for Infinity Health Magazine "5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath" The article is on pages 14-15 :) If you have anything to add for us fellow empaths please feel free to comment below!

While you are at it...grab a cuppa tea and sip your way through this entire beautiful magazine! Such a great way to fill your cup going into 2019.

Click below! <3

5 Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress as an Empath

Infinity Health Magazine - January

XOXO Jocelyn Marie

Growing up Empath

Good evening!
I wanted to give a little background into growing up as a little Jocelyn. I also do want to say that I love my family, I love my parents. This is just my path and I had to go through it unknowingly to get to where I am today. We had many highs and many lows growing up and all is how it should have been.
I was the shy kid, the "introvert", the over emotional old soul. I suffered from asthma, lots of allergies, ear infections, got my period terribly early, horrific PMS and cramps, terrible and constant night terrors, I was always jumpy, scared and on edge, had the worst mood swings and was always so affected by my surroundings and environment. I didn't have very many friends and took comfort in alone time. I wasn't aware of the term "empath" until age 30. So as you can imagine I didn't have the easiest or most supportive environment and help to understand why I was the way I was in my early days. I had gut feelings about things - that I was different and not really the same as my peers and that things were going on in my body and with my emotions in particular.  But I tried to stifle and ignore things instead of face them head on.
What I have learned now is that I was taking on my surroundings and other peoples emotions as my own and these emotions can get stuck if you don't learn from an early age to allow them to flow through you and they can quickly manifest disease throughout your body. At times I literally thought I was going crazy. I also had physical symptoms such as skin rashes, constant UTIs and lady infections, terrible acne and lots of viral cold and flus that just would not leave me. I had so much pain in my body - took many days off work (turned into THAT unreliable co-worker) which was so not me!I was holding onto so much anger, despair and sadness. It manifested into autoimmune. I truly believe this.
For the longest time I actually thought I had a gluten allergy but turns out it was the candida along with thyroid issues that had been taking over my body for so long that was causing everything to be out of wack. Candida (and your thyroid) can actually control so much in your body and can take on different forms that I actually still suffer from today such as PCOS, Digestive issues, skin ailments, chronic pain and fatigue and much more.On top of all of this the binge eating exasperated all of these symptoms.
In my case, holding onto so much emotional stress during and from my past caused a manifestation of candida throughout my body. And it did spiral out of control! This is a big reason that I am taking back control of my life. It's so important to eat well, get proper exercise, minimize stress level and have an outlet for your emotions...like for me writing - in order to deal with everything properly.

Just some thoughts for today! Are you an empath?

Spiritual Awakening of Sorts - "Flow and Grow"

I wanted to touch on a little bit about spiritual awakenings/spirituality -if that’s what you can call it. I don’t pretend to be perfect in spirituality but I hold my own beliefs. I believe in God and attend Brent's Church (we go together) periodically on Saturday evenings. I am not Catholic or really religious at all, however, Brent and his family are Catholic. I grew up in a traditional protestant household (Scottish) and attended Sunday School when I was young but really was not a religious household – which I’m kinda thankful for! It allowed me to grow my beliefs as I felt necessary and instead of being forced on me – something I just sort of found..for myself. Brent grew up in a traditional Catholic household where you just went to Church, prayed before you ate and all of those traditions. Therefore we are working on blending our faith together and figuring out what is right for us. Some of my personal beliefs are a little different (or maybe a lot) different from the Catholic church – but I still take comfort in going to a community of believers and praying for ourselves and loved ones from time to time. I do believe that you don't have to go to church to believe in God or to pray. You can do that anytime anywhere! Yahoo! But just to preface, I also believe in the universe, mediums, mystics, SPIRIT. All that jazz. Which I guess most "typical" believers - choose not to believe in.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding last November I believe I started to go through a more intense spiritual awakening that I certainly was not expecting nor was I prepared for! I believe it has and will continue to contribute a great deal towards my physical, emotional and spiritual healing. It lead me to learning about what an empath was, that I was one, and that I soaked up my surroundings like a sponge.

I felt intense energy around me that was certainly not my own and Brent and I continued to see signs everywhere. From 11:11 (constantly…and I mean CONSTANTLY) To random deer running out in front of our truck immediately after I would say;  “be careful for Animals Brent”….this doe jumped out in front of our truck and just stared at us for a minute. We both got goosebumps.

I would wake up every single night at the same time and just feel the energy. It lead me to getting some medium and intuitive readings done. I heard messages from grandparents (specific messages) whom have been gone from this earth for some time now. I really do believe my grandparents and angels have been and are constantly surrounding us and guiding us along this journey we call life, pushing us into things that are just meant to be and pushing us to be the best version of ourselves. It’s up to us to use our intuition (That first gut feeling we get) and be open enough to receive these messages!

I believe this awakening came into my life at the perfect time and has guided me onto my true life path which actually includes writing this very blog! I feel like my life has come full circle. I had a semi successful food blog back in 2009. I really enjoyed sharing my bites and about my weight loss journey. I found it very cathartic. Unfortunately I gave up on that blog not long after it started. Funnily enough, I had many mentors tell me that I should be writing. "Drop everything and write. Write as much as you can about whatever is in your head and heart. Just start!!" They really gave me some good direction. Direction which I had been lacking lately.

Now this is where it gets slightly interesting. Although I sort of knew that I've always been relatively different to those around me - shy, introverted, VERY emotional, very sensitive, very intuitive. I would pick up on feelings, certain ailments easily and tend to just KNOW things off the top of my head for no good reason.I experienced debilitating night terrors as a child and well into my teens. I didn't really understand why that was, though...until I had these readings and some amazing mentors really got to the heart of it and helped me to understand. "Like dude...you have some amazing spiritual abilities that if you tap into them could be really helpful to those around you"  I don't live under a rock. I have heard of these abilities before and always wondered about how and/or why i seemed to know things without doing some research first. Basically I am a messenger of the truth you need to hear. The more I have pulled the truth out of myself and the more I heal myself...the better I can be of service to you all. What a trip, right!? Basically what it comes down to if you want to get all nifty with spiritual lingo: Claircognizance, clairaudence and automatic writing. I am also highly empathic. Although I don't really put myself into any category or box. These things are ever changing and evolving and I try to go with the flow of things as I learn, practice, serve and share. 

That set me on a journey. This past year has been a journey of researching, reading, being mentored, learning, meditating, understanding, patience, frustration, bewilderment, sometimes a little scary! I wondered if others would think I'm crazy if I "came out" of the spiritual closet. Some might share laughs at my expense behind my back but that's a small price to pay for following my true life path and soul purpose. I am so thankful to have such a patience hubby! He deserves a trophy lol. I believe this spiritual path is definitely divinly guided and connected to my health journey as well...so I will definitely be talking more on this subject here!
It’s OK if you think this is all kind of “woo woo” and I welcome your opinions.

I am into all sorts of spiritual activities/hobbies now….I love collecting different gemstones for energy work and I also have a cool collection of Angel/Oracle cards. I absolutely love the uplifting msgs and artwork that you can receive from them with the right intuitive reader!

I will touch more on my spiritual awakening later as it is every changing, ever growing, and I am still going through it! ” Flow and Grow” That’s the way I see it! 

And if you haven’t jumped ship yet – than thanks for sticking with me on this crazy journey!

XO Jocelyn

Finding the One - Despite the Baggage

I thought I would write about something a little different today perhaps something uplifting and somewhat romantic. I see daily on my facebook feed, women (and men) frustrated with dating and finding “the one”. Extremely bitter and negative people giving up on their love life (and I get it…ive been there!)  Finding and marrying the love of my life definitely forced me to step outside of my comfort zone. It wasn’t an easy road as the world of dating can sometimes be like a roller coaster of highs and lows. I had to go through 4-5 very hard (and immature) relationships to be able to be blessed with my soulmate. I’d rather not rehash or dwell on those older relationships rather let you know what lead me to Brent (my husband!)

Sick and tired of meeting people not matched to me and my personality, I decided to take a leap of faith and join eharmony.com. Despite what you may think (please open your mind people!) It’s a paid for site that matches people to your interests, mannerisms, hobbies, personality etc. Dang…they went DEEP into my psyche and I was pretty impressed with all of the questions and they got into the core of my personality, desires and mannerisms.  I only went on one other (unsuccessful) date before being matched with and finding Brent!

We started talking in November of 2015. Thankfully he sent me a message. We quickly took our budding relationship to email and spent many days emailing back and forth about everything under the sun – family, jobs, hobbies, interests, goals etc. I definitely made him work for it. I made him wait about a month before we met up (I was a chicken!) I remember chatting with some co-workers about him and said his first and last name and one of them actually KNEW HIM and went to high school with him! Small world. I asked her what she thought of him and she said...”He is genuine” I knew I could trust this co-worker and so after that day we set a date in December to meet up at Coffee Culture. I remember clearly that day, walking in and seeing his smiling face there waiting for me and he greeted me with a friendly hug. Despite the nerves – conversation easily flowed as did many laughs. We enjoyed some hot drinks and than took a stroll to enjoy the Christmas lights at night. I took this that evening!

Pretty romantic...huh!? <3

After that stroll we didn’t want the date to finish (always a good sign!) so we actually went back to Coffee Culture to enjoy dinner. I remember him saying…“So this is going pretty well don’t you think??” Yes I think so, Brent! It went so well we agreed to have another date that week. I believe our second date was at an Indian restaurant. It was close to Christmas and he even brought me a gift (awww)Warm socks because my feet are always cold and lots of yummy teas! What a gentleman 📷

After a few dates we were both fairly certain, early on how we felt about each other and where the relationship was heading. We decided to “become a couple” right before New Years Eve.

And it was an amazing yet mentally and physically exhausting year – for both of us. Lots of travel (and I mean LOTS) back and forth between Tavistock and Cambridge…to Kitchener and everywhere in between – plus Brent was away a lot for work to Japan which was hard but we survived it! Both of us take joy and pleasures in the little adventures (getting a frozen Timmies and going for a drive) late at night, for example. Even a trip to Costco is like a date for us!  📷 We are definitely suited towards each other….we avoid crowds and like things uncomplicated.

Brent continued to pursue me despite being in a relationship for a little while (and vice versa!) Which I think is always important!

Our first Valentines Day together was so fun!

We experienced everything together that year  – lazy days in, dates out, meeting the family, frustrations from work, sickness, surgery, long distance relationship at times due to travel and more – and our love just grew stronger.

Ladies AND gentlemen…love shouldn’t HURT. I keep reading that…that true love hurts. I’m here to tell you that that is bullshit. Love doesn’t hurt and your partner shouldn’t be hurting you either. It should feel good, joyous, crazy at times, nerve wracking, happiness! Know your worth. Of course…love can’t always be a fairy tale (because that is an illusion). But you will always know what feels right and good.

Slowly but surely I was pretty truthful right off the bat with Brent about my history of disordered eating, skewed self image, and general history of yo-yo dieting and negative relationship with food. He loved me and supported me despite all of that emotional baggage. And it is BAGGAGE...to both partners when in a relationship. One affects one will surely affect the other. If you are getting into a relationship or in a relationship with someone, I urge you to be open and honest about everything. It's only from the truth that we can be set free and that love can bloom properly. Lean on your partner and wonderful things can happen. It did for me. Brent has definitely played an immense role in my recovery and I don't think he will ever comprehend how thankful i am for that.

It had been an amazing whirlwind time...almost a year.

And then November 4th 2016 came…..

Brent took me to a walking trail that my grandparents and parents used to take me too all the time as a child.

And he proposed – surrounded by the most wonderful yellow leaves….and later we would find a picture of my grandma sitting at a bench scarily close to where he chose to propose (ok Universe…ok Grandma…THANK YOU – you found me Mr.Right 📷 )We let my parents know first and then brents – both super happy for us! Wow. I still get goosebumps seeing that old photo of my grandma near the very spot where Brent chose to propose! If that's not a sign...then I don't know what is!

On November 4th 2016 I said yes to this amazing man. Whom loved me just as I was and I loved him just as he was. The universe does not care if you are not ready and my point is it doesn’t matter how you find him or her….love will find you and unfold in the most perfect for YOU (and maybe crazy manner!) Perhaps this isn’t the way you might find love but it was perfect for us. 

We got Married on November 5th, 2017. 

The months and weeks leading up to the wedding were calm. I didn't stress over losing weight or fitting into a dress. I bought a dress that fit me like a glove and needed very little alterations. Despite being at my highest weight I didn't do any crazy boot camps or restriction diets. I chose to honor our relationship by simply "not going there" I know many brides do...and I can understand why - but for me - it simply was not worth the stress.

it was the most magical and wonderful day 📷  And as I write this I struggle to hold back the happy tears! 

If someone like me can find love – introverted, empathic, homebody…can find love – I know you will too. Change your negative mindset to a positive one, take some chances and slowly you will attract just what you need. My world shifted in the days leading up to the wedding....my wedding triggered something in me and the universe and we collided. It would be the trigger to somewhat of an awakening for me. More on that coming soon!

xoxo Jocelyn