Monday, November 26, 2018

Finding the One - Despite the Baggage


I thought I would write about something a little different today perhaps something uplifting and somewhat romantic. I see daily on my facebook feed, women (and men) frustrated with dating and finding “the one”. Extremely bitter and negative people giving up on their love life (and I get it…ive been there!)  Finding and marrying the love of my life definitely forced me to step outside of my comfort zone. It wasn’t an easy road as the world of dating can sometimes be like a roller coaster of highs and lows. I had to go through 4-5 very hard (and immature) relationships to be able to be blessed with my soulmate. I’d rather not rehash or dwell on those older relationships rather let you know what lead me to Brent (my husband!)

Sick and tired of meeting people not matched to me and my personality, I decided to take a leap of faith and join eharmony.com. Despite what you may think (please open your mind people!) It’s a paid for site that matches people to your interests, mannerisms, hobbies, personality etc. Dang…they went DEEP into my psyche and I was pretty impressed with all of the questions and they got into the core of my personality, desires and mannerisms.  I only went on one other (unsuccessful) date before being matched with and finding Brent!

We started talking in November of 2015. Thankfully he sent me a message. We quickly took our budding relationship to email and spent many days emailing back and forth about everything under the sun – family, jobs, hobbies, interests, goals etc. I definitely made him work for it. I made him wait about a month before we met up (I was a chicken!) I remember chatting with some co-workers about him and said his first and last name and one of them actually KNEW HIM and went to high school with him! Small world. I asked her what she thought of him and she said...”He is genuine” I knew I could trust this co-worker and so after that day we set a date in December to meet up at Coffee Culture. I remember clearly that day, walking in and seeing his smiling face there waiting for me and he greeted me with a friendly hug. Despite the nerves – conversation easily flowed as did many laughs. We enjoyed some hot drinks and than took a stroll to enjoy the Christmas lights at night. I took this that evening!


Pretty romantic...huh!? <3

After that stroll we didn’t want the date to finish (always a good sign!) so we actually went back to Coffee Culture to enjoy dinner. I remember him saying…“So this is going pretty well don’t you think??” Yes I think so, Brent! It went so well we agreed to have another date that week. I believe our second date was at an Indian restaurant. It was close to Christmas and he even brought me a gift (awww)Warm socks because my feet are always cold and lots of yummy teas! What a gentleman 📷

After a few dates we were both fairly certain, early on how we felt about each other and where the relationship was heading. We decided to “become a couple” right before New Years Eve.

And it was an amazing yet mentally and physically exhausting year – for both of us. Lots of travel (and I mean LOTS) back and forth between Tavistock and Cambridge…to Kitchener and everywhere in between – plus Brent was away a lot for work to Japan which was hard but we survived it! Both of us take joy and pleasures in the little adventures (getting a frozen Timmies and going for a drive) late at night, for example. Even a trip to Costco is like a date for us!  📷 We are definitely suited towards each other….we avoid crowds and like things uncomplicated.

Brent continued to pursue me despite being in a relationship for a little while (and vice versa!) Which I think is always important!
Our first Valentines Day together was so fun!



We experienced everything together that year  – lazy days in, dates out, meeting the family, frustrations from work, sickness, surgery, long distance relationship at times due to travel and more – and our love just grew stronger.

Ladies AND gentlemen…love shouldn’t HURT. I keep reading that…that true love hurts. I’m here to tell you that that is bullshit. Love doesn’t hurt and your partner shouldn’t be hurting you either. It should feel good, joyous, crazy at times, nerve wracking, happiness! Know your worth. Of course…love can’t always be a fairy tale (because that is an illusion). But you will always know what feels right and good.

Slowly but surely I was pretty truthful right off the bat with Brent about my history of disordered eating, skewed self image, and general history of yo-yo dieting and negative relationship with food. He loved me and supported me despite all of that emotional baggage. And it is BAGGAGE...to both partners when in a relationship. One affects one will surely affect the other. If you are getting into a relationship or in a relationship with someone, I urge you to be open and honest about everything. It's only from the truth that we can be set free and that love can bloom properly. Lean on your partner and wonderful things can happen. It did for me. Brent has definitely played an immense role in my recovery and I don't think he will ever comprehend how thankful i am for that.




It had been an amazing whirlwind time...almost a year.
And then November 4th 2016 came…..
Brent took me to a walking trail that my grandparents and parents used to take me too all the time as a child.
And he proposed – surrounded by the most wonderful yellow leaves….and later we would find a picture of my grandma sitting at a bench scarily close to where he chose to propose (ok Universe…ok Grandma…THANK YOU – you found me Mr.Right 📷 )We let my parents know first and then brents – both super happy for us! Wow. I still get goosebumps seeing that old photo of my grandma near the very spot where Brent chose to propose! If that's not a sign...then I don't know what is!





On November 4th 2016 I said yes to this amazing man. Whom loved me just as I was and I loved him just as he was. The universe does not care if you are not ready and my point is it doesn’t matter how you find him or her….love will find you and unfold in the most perfect for YOU (and maybe crazy manner!) Perhaps this isn’t the way you might find love but it was perfect for us. 

We got Married on November 5th, 2017. 









The months and weeks leading up to the wedding were calm. I didn't stress over losing weight or fitting into a dress. I bought a dress that fit me like a glove and needed very little alterations. Despite being at my highest weight I didn't do any crazy boot camps or restriction diets. I chose to honor our relationship by simply "not going there" I know many brides do...and I can understand why - but for me - it simply was not worth the stress.
it was the most magical and wonderful day 📷  And as I write this I struggle to hold back the happy tears! 
If someone like me can find love – introverted, empathic, homebody…can find love – I know you will too. Change your negative mindset to a positive one, take some chances and slowly you will attract just what you need. My world shifted in the days leading up to the wedding....my wedding triggered something in me and the universe and we collided. It would be the trigger to somewhat of an awakening for me. More on that coming soon!

xoxo Jocelyn












1 comment:

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