I thought about this title for awhile because…well...not everyone reading this will be in their 30’s but I am and so I have to base it on how I see the world and feel things. However it could certainly apply to any woman.
Do you know how many times I feel like I owe an explanation to people in my world for things I do, say, think or feel? How crazy is that? I feed off others so much and let it affect my thoughts, emotions which in turn affects me physically. I have wasted so much of my time offering up apologies and explanations for things that I should never have had to
10 things a 30 something year old shouldn’t have to owe anyone explanations for
- Our size, body shape, BMI, physical appearance
I think I must have come out of the womb apologizing for my round hips (thank you grandma) and solid stature. Literally…I can’t really remember a time where I didn’t feel bad for the way that I look – up until recently. Now I just own it and feel good when I make the proper changes for me. The truth is your body is exactly that. YOUR OWN. You do not owe anyone an explanation to why you have lost or gained ___ a certain amount of pounds, or why you choose to or do not workout. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you have an apple bottom bootie or big round glorious hips, you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you are slender and 6 ft tall. Our physical appearance is our own and does not define how anyone should look at us. Society will never change if we continue to give this power to people.
2. Our Relationships – Getting married or never getting married
I remember the struggle of being single and watching those around me get married and as I got older the questions came….are you looking for the one? Are you ever getting married? Do you want to get married? You better settle down soon…tick tock. I learned a lot during those single years and poor relationships and would not change a thing. I learned to love my own company and do things independently. I feel like that’s part of the reason the universe allowed me to meet my current husband – I put in the time, the growth and was ok either way (alone or in a relationship) and was ready. But our relationship status is something else that should never really be up for discussion or criticism by the people around you. It’s OK if people are curious…but it’s those who constantly ask that question. Don’t give them that power….tell them it’s none of their business but that you are happy in your current situation whatever that might be.
3. Not having a baby yet or never having a baby
I feel like this will be a longer post coming soon for me. I was married November 4th 2017 and I don’t think a week or two goes by without a question…or at least a mentioning of my age and having babies. The fact is it’s none of anyone’s business and actually downright inappropriate for someone to continually poke and prod you for details of this sacred choice of IF and WHEN. I was actually told on my wedding night that I better have a baby before it’s too late. Can you imagine?These people don’t know me or my state of health. They don’t know if I am able to reproduce or if I even want to. I could have slayed the smackdown right then and there however I chose to remain classy…tilt my head, give a little smile and ignore. I feel like some people will never change when it comes to this subject – so either I will lose my shit or choose to ignore! It could go either way. But in the end – you still don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices. You don’t have to tell someone when you want to have a baby or if you never want a baby. End.Period….Finite. Remember..there are people out there who can’t have a child but desire to give birth more than anything in this world – stop being so insensitive if you are someone who constantly pokes and prods about the choice to have a baby.
By the way…I have a furbaby and I love her.
4. Choosing to adopt
Ok..so lots of baby talk but I thought this was important to include. Adoption has always been something on my heart as both grandmothers often talked about their desire to adopt some day even though they never did. I have the utmost respect for those who choose to adopt and give a baby/child in need a loving home to grow and thrive in. I have also heard negative reactions to the choice of adopting. The old “bloodline” is important thing. Poppycock! Super old fashioned and backwards thinking – is what I say. You do you. The choice to adopt is nobody’s choice but your own. It doesn’t make you any less of a parent if you adopt or give birth.
5. How we spend our time
Hello…my name is Jocelyn and I am an introvert/empath. I fill my cup up by alone time and creating. I feed off of energy around me, positive and negative and it’s exhausting. Don’t get me wrong – I love to spend time with friends and family but for every day I spend with them I feel like I need a day to spend alone (or just with Brent…) When people invite me to do something just because they think I have nothing to do at home or because they worry “im bored” or “lonely” I seriously die a little inside. Because that tells me..they don’t know or understand me. Either way it’s nobody’s damn business that I’m an introvert. I shouldn’t really have to tell people that I enjoy spending time alone…but I do to help them understand. If I want to go to a Hanson concert or 10 in a row…(my favorite band) then that is up to ME. Crazy, right? If I want to take a paint class, cooking class, go for a walk for 2 hours every day, play with my dog all day or sit and binge watch Netflix then that’s totally up to me and not up for discussion nor do I owe an explanation to anyone. If I wanna go get my nails done every week then let it be so – side note: I once had someone say to me…who has time for that? Funny…I do! And did. My choice – not yours.
6. Our Diet
Pretty simple – Vegan, Paleo, Keto, Candida diet, Fruitarian, vegetarian, no dairy, all dairy, healthy one week, junk the next. It’s your diet and your life. Simple as that. Do what’s best for you. If you wanna shout it from the roof tops, great, if you don’t want to…great. If you have a food blog… I will probably read it! (Link it below!)
7. How we spend our money
This kind of goes along with how we spend our time. How you spend or save your money is nobody’s business but your own. If you can afford to and want to go out to eat every night and it’s something you enjoy then so it is! If you enjoy saving so that you can take that vacation every year…then so it is! You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for your money choices or habits.
8. Our career choices
I got a lot of flack when I decided to leave my full time health care job and work on self employment prospects. I got/get asked all the time what I do all day, why do I get up with my husband and pack his lunch, why do I spend my time on social media so much, are you ever going to get a “real” job outside of the house again?Honestly the questions are exhausting and I’m fed up answering. My life – my business. Your life – your business. If I am loving my current employment opportunities then I will more than likely share the details with everyone anyways!! But I don’t owe an explanation for what I’m doing with my life. Neither does the housewife, stay at home mom or entrepreneur.
9. How we feel
Today I might feel pain, sad, lethargic, tomorrow I might feel happy, excited, filled with energy. These feelings are real and it’s important that we acknowledge them to ourselves and the universe – but nobody else. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone if you wake up on the right or wrong side of the bed. I personally don’t mind sharing with you all how I feel. But if on any given day I don’t want to share and don’t feel like talking about it then that’s my choice
10. Religious Choices
Protestant, Catholic, Spiritual, Buddha, Spiritual, You do you.
The more we let go of these expectations and stop allowing other people to have this control over us, the more we follow our intuition and gut feelings about these situations – and stop giving explanations where explanations don’t belong…we are healing ourselves in the process.
Freedom is yours.
Have anything to add?? Share with me in the comments
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